Personal
I grew up in a Christian home. I’ve been to Christian churches my whole life. I also attended a Christian school, undertook a Christian gap year, completed a Christian degree and now have a job as a “professional Christian”. I’ve been surrounded by and drenched in Christian theology since before I could understand any of it. I understand it a small amount more now than I did then, but there is one aspect of Christian thinking that I often find myself questioning...
“Does God really want a personal relationship with me?”
You may, like me, have found yourself asking at times “If God is who we believe he is - among other things the creator and sustainer of the universe - then why would he be personally interested in me!?” Much as I like to pretend I am, I’m not actually that interesting! And whilst I do believe that God has spoken to me, I sometimes have that nagging thought: “Was I just imagining it?”
I’ve also found myself thinking about how, when God called Israel, he called them as a nation not as individuals. They related to God by worshiping only him and not other gods, by living by the laws of of Israel; and (for guys) by being circumcised. Being an Israelite was primarily about behaving as God told the Israelites to and not about having a 'personal relationship' with God. Which has left me asking
“Has our modern culture, with its emphasis on the individual, led us to have a wrongly individualistic understanding of what being a Christian is?”
Recently these questions have crept into my head again and so I thought I’d be proactive about exploring just why Christians believe the personal relationship thing is such a big deal. I've read various interesting arguments for and against and this is where I'm at right now...
Like with most questions, a good place to start is at the beginning... So I did. God created man. I believe this. But why did he?!
A common argument goes that God created humans to relate to them. Mike Pilavachi describes, in standard comedic style, how when a man and a woman love each other they might decide that they want to create something to share that love with - a baby. Similarly God, in trinitarian unison with himself chooses to create humanity to share that love. But he creates “man and woman” plural; suggesting the relating is more corporate rather than individualistical and personal Sorry Mike, but I’m not convinced yet.
Michael Horton develops this idea much further though and in a much more convincing way. (I found this a bit confusing at first but stick with it...) He argues that God called us - actually spoke us - into existence, and to exist in a certain way: in the Image of God. The extent of our humanity is the extent to which we answer that call. So, we can live human lives, but unless we individually answer God’s call with the personal statement “Here I am” - we are missing out on some of what it is to be human. A consequence of Adam and Eve’s sin was that they hid from God - they ceased to answer God’s call (Genesis 3: 8-9) and became less human.
Horton goes on to suggest that the significant people we read about in the story of Israel aren’t specially chosen, they’re simply the ones who answered “Here I am” when God called them. This got me thinking... There are a lot of people in the Bible who seem to make a very personal decision to follow God. This doesn’t mean that God became their BFF but it does mean that they had to bypass any system of priests who communed with God on their behalf and instead had to be in communication with God directly. Themselves. personally. The Priesthood of all Believers is a significant idea that emerged during the reformation which echoes this: Christian’s do not need, and should not have a priest who communicates with God on their behalf. Instead, we all can and should communicate with God ourselves. But... Israel had priests so how do we handle that?
King David is a very specific character who appears to have an extremely strong personal relationship with God. As King of Israel, it was his job to be the epitome of what God had called his people to be. I suppose it then becomes hard to ignore that a key thing that seems to qualify him for this job seems to be his relationship with God. Not only are the psalms telling of this highly personal relationship but throughout the David narratives in 1 Samuel particularly, David often communicates with God himself. Directly.
This wasn’t normal. King’s in those days had priests and magicians and religious experts to do that for them and then tell them what the gods had said. But David, as the example of how the people should be, had his own personal communications with God, and the priests were on hand to help him out and tell him off when he got things wrong - which he did! It’s not a large leap to suggest then that perhaps the role of Israel’s priests was to be the religious experts, people who were meant to assist others in their communication with God, rather than doing it all for them!
And of course there’s Jesus who is, as always, a key figure in helping us understand how we’re meant to be as Christians. Not only by his example but simply by who he is. I’ve recently been exploring The Incarnation with a group of brilliant Year 5‘s and 6‘s, particularly looking at how God came to earth, became human, Jesus, so that we could know him better. The incarnation is itself, a personal move. And once on earth Jesus didn’t only spend time with the crowds, but individuals too. Jesus embodies God’s concern for each and every person he created, from the young to the old, the powerful to the peasants, the healthy to the sick (and dead!), the smart to the dumb, etc. Each one called by him.
So... I suppose maybe God is interested in a personal relationship with me after all... But what does that look like?!
I think there is a balance that needs to be struck in terms of how we relate to God. It is miraculous that God calls us wanting us to say “Here I am” but we need to remember that it is God who calls us. ‘Jesus is my Best Friend Forever’ therefore cannot be the entirety of how we relate. God is personable but he is also awesome and scary as well. Even the disciples, some of whom literally were Jesus’s BFFs had moments when they freaked out about how awesome he was. Some even left because they couldn’t handle it.
Even for the disciples, becoming that close with Jesus took time. Just because they answered Jesus’ call didn’t mean they instantly became best friends and never looked back, like 4 year old’s in the playground on the first day of school. It took 3 years until Jesus said “No longer do I call you servants, I now call you friends”. 3 years is a long time! People meet and get married in less time than that!
And just because God is interested in us doesn't mean therefore that our relationship with him is all about ourselves. Part of being a Christian is also about submitting ourselves to God's sovereignty and sometimes we get our focus out of balance and it becomes all me me me. Figuring out what we can do for and with God should be just as, if not more important, than what God can do for us. And we need to be careful not to be too individualistic about this too. Faith is worked out in community. It's right that we have a personal relationship with God, but Christians are called to live in community with one another (church), working out their collective calling. So when asking the question "What is God wanting to do and how can i get on board with it?" we sometimes need to not get bogged down in our personal concerns, waiting for God to tell us exactly what subjects to study or what job to take and worry more about what he is wanting to do in the world and make sure we work towards that. (Not that asking these questions is wrong, but sometimes we worry so much about them that we forget that sometimes answers to those specific questions don't matter as much to God as our motivation for asking them.)
So if you don’t feel like Jesus’ BFF, that’s not necessarily a problem. It’s not that you’re not a Christian, and it’s not that you’re a bad Christian. Don’t let people judge you just because Jesus isn’t the first person you think to invite to a tea party or you don’t cry every time you hear “Here I am to worship.” I think we can unhelpfully think of “personal relationship” as a romantic or feminine thing. It’s not. And i’d go as far as to say that if God isyour BFF, maybe you need a healthy reality check on who God is. He is the mysterious fusion of the knowable and unknowable. The personal and the Holy.
However, if all our faith is about is fitting in with the Christian way of doing things or being aware that there is a superior being or entity somewhere out there; and we’re not feeling like we’re getting to know or can know God and what he is like at all; and if we don’t feel like we can talk to him or hear from him personally, it appears we’re missing out on a big part of what being Christian and being human is about. Which we’re not condemned or rejected for, it just means that there is a more rich and fulfilling Christianity awaiting for us, and we just need to answer with “Here I am.” And if we do, I do believe that God does answer us and does talk to us.
Because when I'm in a less doubting mood I know deep down that God has spoken to me. Regularly. I say this again because, having stated that I believe we can have a more fulfilling experience of Christianity through personal communion with God, I wanted to give a personal reason as to why I think it’s possible. God speaking to us is an idea that might be alien and confusing to you. I could attempt to explain how and why I believe I’ve heard God speak but that would make this a much longer post. Let me just say for now that I do believe that God does speak to us and for those that have struggled to hear God before, perhaps we just need to find a “priest” who can help us out with this. Richard Foster’s book 'Prayer' is also a great place to start...
To finish let me throw out this challenge... If your faith is significantly caught up in music, or friendships, or leading groups, or Biblical Study or just being a really decent human being, maybe you need to spend some time thinking about how much more God has got for you. Remember: he is calling.
